4

My personality feels broken, its difficult to be witty, or to even have basic back and forth discussions. I've lost my sense of humor and my unique use of language.

I live in a constant state of understimulation. I feel listless and bored every day. If i had a week to myself, i would probably sleep almost the whole time. When I read books or even magazine articles my eyes blur and can't focus.

I wanted to feel a sense of community with others, but can't manage to go to meditation or their retreats.

I've feel like i have been alone my whole life. There is nothing or no one to satisfy my emotional, intellectual, or spiritual needs. I have been deprived of these needs for many years.

School classes only go as fast as the slowest student, and so I was bored to death for 16 years of primary school and 4.5 years of college. My next degree would best be online so that I can go as fast as I want. Now my brain has significantly slowed down. I feel like i wouldn't catch up if i went to school. 

I want to get out of this sinkhole of despair and doom but it looks like the only direction is down, the more I try, the harder I work, its like moving around in quicksand, which makes you sink faster.